Our first try at filing a formal complaint against the coaches: We were told to drop the complaint because we would be sued by the coaches!

September 28, 2007

State Women’s Soccer League
Attn: President & Risk Manager
P.O. BOX 68849
City, State

Dear President et al:

Per consultation with our attorney and a medical doctor, we are filing a complaint against the City soccer head coach and assistant coach, John Smith and Bob Smith, on behalf of our daughter.

We believe that these coaches failed in their ethical and moral duty to provide a safe and positive learning environment for our daughter during her participation on this team.

Specifically, these coaches failed to fulfill their responsibility as defined in the following:

ARTICLE X: COACHES’ CODE OF CONDUCT

Preamble

2. As member coaches of the IWSL, we agree to abide by league standards, and we accept that our role in aiding to build physical values, emotional satisfaction, and character-building attributes among our players relies on the trust and confidence players, parents, and the public place in us. We accept it is our responsibility to be familiar with the rules of the game, the IWSL Constitution, Rules & Regulations, and guidelines, and it is our responsibility to see that all conduct by our team representatives adheres to these policies. Coaches who exhibit conduct that does not comply with the Code of Conduct standards have no place in the IWSL.
In support of this complaint, we offer the following examples:

1. At the first practice of the season at this location, our daughter and a friend were approximately 12 minutes late because they got lost. My daughter and her friend were required to run laps without any shoes for about 30 minutes causing a large blister and discomfort to our daughter’s foot. This is documented by her doctor’s evaluation. Three other players arrived about 15 minutes after my daughter and her friend, but were not punished in any way.


2. At a team meeting where Coach John Smith was lecturing the players about misconduct and disrespect for coaches, our daughter spoke up, requested a private meeting between the coaches and the senior players of the team to address a matter of grave importance to the team, parents, and larger community. She was told to be quiet, that she had not been asked to speak and was then dismissed from practice.

3. Although she has been concerned about this matter for over a year, my daughter has been fearful to disclose it to anyone, including us as her parents, due to her emotional distress and fear of retribution. When she revealed this matter to us on Thursday, September 20, 2007, we immediately removed her from the team for her own emotional safety.

4. After we formally withdrew our daughter from the team, Coach John Smith wrote us back emphacizing his belief that our daughter had serious behavioral problems. In our opinion, this is an example of his abuse of power and attempt to discredit our daughter as the messenger of “bad news” for him and Coach Bob Smith. This is an exact quote from his email response to us:

“Although, out of respect and sensitivity, I will spare you of details, you know that your daughter’s behavioral problems precede this season. They go as far back as her very first season with us. They have just become more open, intense and hostile as she moved from mid- to late-adolescence.” (written by Coach John Smith)

We provide this email for your consideration.

a. During a recent attempt to “discipline” our daughter, Coach Bob Smith told her that “her bad side overtook her good side”. When my daughter tried to address a major concern directly to Coach Bob Smith during this exchange, he refused to talk to her about her concern and told her she had to leave practice. The incident in question here occurred after my daughter became frustrated with what she judged as inappropriate coaching methods and called Coach Bob Smith a derogatory name. She understood that she should not have called him a name and apologized. As parents, we do not endorse children or adults treating each other disrespectfully. We spoke to our daughter about this incident and reviewed ways she could further apologize to Coach Bob Smith at the Thursday practice. However, the situation escalated at this practice, as we described in # 2 above, Sarah asserted herself respectfully and courageously, requested the meeting with the coaches and the senior players, was refused, told to be quiet and then dismissed from practice.

6. We reserve the right to file other complaints, as new information and evidence becomes available.

We believe that anyone reviewing this situation in its entirety will understand that the power conflicts and difficulties between our daughter and the coaches resulted directly from the ethical and moral failure of these coaches to develop a safe and positive environment on this team.

We ask that your association begin an investigation into our concerns immediately.
It is our hope that this process may result in a supported healing process for all the girls who have been adversely affected.

Sincerely,
Parents
Cc:State Youth Soccer Association

When the unthinkable happens: Abuse by Athletic Coaches

On her 18th birthday, our daughter came home sobbing from her soccer practice. She told my wife that she had kept a secret for almost a year that one of her good friends from her team was being abused by the 23 year old assistant coach.

Our life as soccer parents and her passion as a teen soccer player were changed forever.

This site is dedicated to the prevention of abuse by athletic coaches, especially of female players.

We have a lot to say about this.